wakey wakey hands off snakey
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
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