there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Are we in a gay sports bar?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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