for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
