The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
