And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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