I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
