doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
