so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
