Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
being pregnant is like rehab
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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