Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
