a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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