Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
