I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
