"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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