Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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