You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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