8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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