Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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