This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
