We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
