You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize
