I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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