I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
