Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
