I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
