I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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