just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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