Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
