just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
