i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
