i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He? As in you personified your dick?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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