i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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