This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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