I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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