its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
farters have to be the big spoon...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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