I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
