if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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