you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
