oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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