i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
