Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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