I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
