NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
