I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
