Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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