Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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