best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
