I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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