If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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