Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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